This Fella Is My GM, But Who Else Is Gonna Be On My Staff?

BY MATTHEW FALKENBURY
ASSISTANT EDITOR

As I sit here in my crappy little apartment in the town of Oneonta, NY, where its always Raining and guess what….Its raining as I write this, I was thinking about different people that could help turn around the Mets.

I went through all the people that I know would be big helps, and then I thought about the group of people that haven’t gotten a real shot at it. Of course when you see that there are over 200+ blogs about the Mets out there, they certainly have an opinion on it.

The question hasn’t been answered but I will attempt it right now, what if Mets Bloggers ran the Mets?

Owner- ME!

Why?: Well its my idea so I get to run the team as the Owner. I of course fire everyone and actually tell Jerry Manuel he is gonna stay on, fly him back home to Sacramento, tell him he needs to come back, tell him he needs to go on the Radio. Have him go on Mike’d Up to talk about the end of the season, call up myself and fire him on the Air and then give my own hand wave to Francessa. I would put everything I had into this team, I would call out the Phillies and would personally go to Jimmy Rollins house and slap him in the face and then would steal all the Fiber from Bobby Cox’s house. I would make Mark Cuban look like Fred Wilpon on a bad day.

General Manager- Matt Cerrone

Why?: Well why wouldn’t I go with the Czar of Metsblogs? I would of course trade Daniel Murphy before I hired Cerrone because I know he has a man crush on him and I happen to think a Monkey plays better then Murphy. Cerrone is the thinking man’s GM and is always coming up with creative ways to try to improve the team. I would really want Carl Crawford here as does he and I would think that with Murphy traded to the Antarctica Predators he would go out and get me Nick Johnson at First Base. I wouldn’t give him full control of the team because his spots in the Verizon Studio or on the Pre Game show were brutal, so I would punish him there. Its a fact that without Cerrone and his linkage of our site our numbers would drop a bit in terms of views so is this a ploy to get him to link me? You bet your ass it is!

Assistant GM- Michael Baron

Why?: I can feel the anger in this fellow and I like it and of course he is the man of Metsblog when Cerrone has to go pottery shopping on the weekends and doesn’t update the site. He is the right hand man of Cerrone on the site and lets face it, he has to write up most of the post games on the site and who the hell wants to do that? Nobody, but he does and does it well.

Minor League Staff: Toby Hyde and the Amazin Avenue Crew

Why?: Well Toby Hyde goes out of his way to write an entire blog about Brad Holt, Jenrry Meija and the other band of Morons down in the sticks and does a pretty good job of it and knows a ton about them and I would think doesn’t have the body to just randomly rip his shirt off at a moments notice. The Amazin Avenue crew does something very interesting, they use these things called numbers when discussing logic. Its quite amazing really (sorry I couldn’t help my self with the pun) They have a good knowledge of everything with the Mets and would be an asset to help develop the minor league players into a group of men that don’t look like Daniel Murphy, and who doesn’t want that.

Director of Player Development: Adam Rubin

Why?: That’s easy…..He Asked

Manager: Bitter Bill Price

Why?: Im a massive fan of Bitter Bill. His posts are always some of the most negative and funny things I read every single day. He would have a Bobby V like quality to his managing cause Im sure he would make some odd and yet successful decisions that could lead this team back. He hates Daniel Murphy like I do, which is an automatic qualifier and also knows that bad baseball doesn’t happen just because of injuries, but they happen because players suck and Managers suck more who don’t teach them better. He would have this team on edge cause you wouldn’t know when he would just run off one weekend to be with the Bitter Wife and Kids and of course he has plenty of inside info from his commenter’s on his blog.

Bench Coach: Jumpin Joe Stone

Why?: He is a quality person who is someone who like to rock the boat (or is it Cradle?) and would light some fire under this team with his profanity laced tirades against the Yankees and the Phillies. He can also walk up to home plate to give out the scorecard and then walk back to the Dugout like a champion. Other then those two things, he can also have a more up close and personal feel with the team to write his posts that can only be a bonus when it comes to the Stoner Chronicles.

Pitching Coach: Ted Keith

Why?: Well everytime I turn around he is writing about Mike Pelfrey and how he isnt doing one thing or another, so why not let him try to turn around the big lick? He can tell Johan Santana to just do whatever he wants and after I sign John Lackey and trade for Roy Halladay, TK can just sit back and collect his checks, which is pretty much what he does now.

Hitting Coach: Mike Ganci

Why?: While on the way to our intramural softball opening game last season, he told me “Im going to hit a home run today”, and then he goes out and hits a home run. I also hit about .800 against him and I couldn’t hit the ocean if I fell out of a boat, so im sure he can just throw some BP and D-Wright will be hitting like Albert Pujols in no time.

1st Base Coach: Greg Prince

Why?: Well the guy wrote a book so while he is picking up batting gloves and trying to look like he is doing something, he can work on his another book while im trying to figure out why the Daily Stache has a link to his site but his site doesn’t have a link to mine. Hmmmmmmmm

3rd Base Coach: Metstradamus

Why?: Well he is a Mets fan and can tell the future so he will know ahead of time if the player can score on any play and we wont have a million players thrown out at home or third base this season. I mean its a cant lose situation there!

Well There you have it, my dream team of bloggers who live and breathe Mets and could be the dream team of staff that could lead our beloved Orange and Blue back to greatness in 2010. Plus the added bonus is that if we really screw this up badly then nobody will be around to write about it.

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